[The following, by Charles Jacobs, appears in this week's Jewish Advocate]

Osama Bin Laden wants Spain back. So do I. For him, the re-capture of what Muslims call "al Andaluz" is a religious requirement: Islam, according to the uber-terrorist, owns forever any turf it once ruled.

In my case, regaining the Spain I knew is not quite so monumental, but still....

About 40 years ago I spent a year at the University of Madrid. The whole year cost me about $1,000, money I'd earned working the previous summer -- at $2.89 an hour. I rented a lovely apartment, ate well, attended bull fights, concerts, the Prado, visited Paris, and trekked across most of the Iberian Peninsula. In the Sixties, three months of American minimum wages bought 10 months of middle class life in Spain. Alas, no more. There's been a Reconquista of sorts: a powerful Euro devours the once almighty dollar; there's been a near "expulsion" of American visitors.

This summer, my wife and I toured a hefty piece of Iberia, forking over $5.00 for each café con leche. (A great, secret hotel deal helped enormously. Don't ask.) The very few Americanos we saw were quite
noticeable: they were, almost to a man, women and child, overweight. The "Ugly American" you recall from the 70's classic -- an obstreperous boor, acting superior and foolish in foreign nations -- was emblematic of an energized if uncultured empire. Today, the "Overweight American" tip-toes obsequiously among slim, better looking, and seemingly wealthier Europeans.

Spain is a series of delights: spotlessly clean streets, deliciously architected buildings, happy, seemingly unstressed people, living so very well. The siesta works! In many places, businesses close for hours at mid day. People eat or sleep or wander and come back to finish up at 7 or 8, then graze and drink at tapas bars, and finally eat in groups of friends or families til midnight. It's like having two days in one.

But alas, it's a passing dream, for the Europeans have a problem bigger even than being fat. They no longer have children. In the 60's, Spaniards had large families and were seriously Catholic: Walk down the street snuggled next to a girl and a black-cloaked priest would publicly reprimand you. The Spanish were ethnically proud. Getting Spanish citizenship was a rare prize given only to a few Hollywood stars.

That Spain is no longer with us. Today, hardly any young people go to church. Many don't plan to marry. Spanish girls saunter in a serious state of under-dress. Meanwhile, the birthrate in Spain, like much of Europe, has fallen below the replacement level of 2.1 births per woman. Modernism has trounced traditionalism. Euros are neo-pagans, living for the moment. And then there is the unassimilating Islamic immigration. No secular, skimpy-clad, childlessness here, Senores. Do the math.

In over thirty conversations (I'm fluent), every Spaniard acknowledged these facts. And all agreed this looming disaster was not part of public discourse: "We're afraid of 'being racist.' So they'll eat, drink and be merry, and sleep to their own demise. Visit now.