We're proud to make Solomonia readers aware of our latest scoop! There's a new Democratic Party Presidential candidate, and we have the goods, with this world-exclusive announcement and interview.

Polls already put him 5 percentage points ahead of his closest rivals for party nomination on name recognition and charisma alone.

He has ideas and positions that place make him a "must support" for Democratic Party faithful.

Ladies and Gentlemen...without further ado...I give you...

Cold Baby Seal

Solomonia: Mr. Cold Baby Seal, thank you for your time. Let's get right to it. To what do you attribute your early success?

Cold Baby Seal: For one, I've been living under the ice most of the time. How can anyone have anything against me? I've been living under the ice fer cripes' sake. Also, I have new, innovative ideas that appeal to my Democratic base.

S: Such as?

CBS: I'm against the Bush Administration for one...

S: On which issues?

CBS: Whichever...

S: Anything else?

CBS: I need more? I mean, of course! I'm for increasing welfare payments to the needy, maintaining Affirmative Action, responsible tax cuts (meaning none)...you know...fairness and positivity that will move us into the 21st century!

S: I see. But...those don't sound very new or innovative...

CBS: Well...yeah...see...look, work with me here, it's tough to keep your hand on the pulse of the nation when the only people you talk to are mackerel. Say, would you mind shoveling my back?

S: I...don't have a shovel...

CBS: Ah, well that's too bad. Oh! I oppose bludgeoning!

S: OK, I think that's something everyone can get behind.

CBS: Yes, also my campaign is using the internet for fund raising. I never need to leave the Arctic! And my campaign slogan - "I'm all wrapped in blubber, and I'm still frickin' freezing!" It's a winner.

S: Anything you'd like to leave our readers with?

CBS: Listen, how can you go wrong with me? I'm not French looking, I never supported Gay marriage, I'm not a Jew, I don't play with dolls and I don't have legs, so the NAACP can't blame me for not showing up to their dinner even though I'm the whitest guy in the race. And talk about supporting the military - how many of those other guys can actually say they've had a nuclear submarine surface underneath them?!

S: Cold Baby Seal, thank you for your time. You're certainly the most interesting candidate in the race.

CBS: Cold...so very cold...