Mr. Average Democrat calls his girlfriend...

*ringring*...Hi Howard! Yeah, it's me. How you doin' honey? Good...good. Listen...I'm not sure how to say this exactly, so I'll just come right out and say it...I, I think it's time we moved on...hun? You there? ...I know, I know it's kinda sudden...well, I had to do it some time, and it may as well be now...please don't cry...and don't SHOUT...okok, I'm sorry...oh yeah, we've had some great times together....yeah, I remember that trip we took...yeah, South Dakota, North Dakota, Virginia, Connecticut...honey, honey, stop, stop, I got it, I told you I remember. You've been a great traveling partner...oh yeah, there's no one I'd rather party with...those tequila shots down in Key West...the time with the donkey...oh baby, I'll never forget those good times...oh yeah...oh, I'll be honest...you're the best lay I've ever had...I mean, that thing you do with your leg...heheh...see? I made you laugh...hey, I know, I know...I may never find someone like you to click with and have a good time with again...Why? You want to know why then? How do I say this? Well...baby...I just feel like it's time for me to settle down...to get serious...I want to have a family...maybe a kid. Can you see US having a baby and being all serious together? Doing the Sunday morning newspaper and coffee thing? PTA? You've never even met my parents...I know...I know you're willing to meet my parents...I know they'll never actually see your piercings, but that's just it...you have PIERCINGS. In places they'll never see...now, now, don't cry...and don't SHOUT again...okok, I'm soorrry...nono, it's not the Jew...or the black guy...no, not the General, either - yuck!...no, there is no one else...yet...look, it's not about you, or anyone else, it's ME, it's about me. The fact is, you're too good for me. You're a Doctor! You should be out saving people's lives...I know you'd give it all up for me, but I don't want you to. I want someone to stay home and raise my kids, to keep house...that ain't you, babe...sorry.

Don't worry, I'll invite you to the wedding.

*click*